I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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