Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
