I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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