If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
