ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
