Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
