if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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