I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
