there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
