I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She bit a glass in half.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
