Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
