so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just high enough for therapy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
