I smell stomach acid.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
