He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
