dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
