doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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