I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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