We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
