like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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