you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Semen is not good for contacts.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
