I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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