eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
