the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
