so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
