He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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