Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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