I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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