i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
