dude i'm inner monologue high
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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