Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
