Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
