you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
