I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
