nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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