Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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