Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
