I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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