OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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