i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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