doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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