my sisters under your porch take her home
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
