Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
