You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
