I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
