The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
