no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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