Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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