Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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