There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
