I was born with a shot glass in my hand
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
