The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
