My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
