Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
