no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
