don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
