her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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