Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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