Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
