Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
