I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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