Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
