God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
